For today’s post, I have a story.
This is a tale of tough love, of perseverance, of struggle against authority, of brutal peer pressure, of overcoming fear and doubt, of banishment, humility and redemption. Of treachery and victory. All played out against a background of delicious plates of fried food. Sit back, relax and enjoy a man called Ben’s filthy greasy journey, one fryup at a time……..
…… I think it was early last November that Ben Hesketh first appeared on my Frydar with this shoddy fryup which was absolutely ripped to threads on the notorious Fry Up Police’s Facebook page. Chopped up sausages Ben, to be fair you deserved all the abuse you got for this. Basically beans and things on toast. Quite awful.
He tried again.
Whole sausages this time, home made hash browns, however shoddy eggs and a poor bean game let this down. Still an improvement on his previous effort. Generally better received but only really a small selection of fried fodder and justifiable abuse continued.
The pressure was starting to get to Ben, people were mocking his lack of black pudding, mushrooms and tomatoes, at least his beans weren’t touching his eggs this time but that wasn’t enough to prevent another savage kicking.
Insecurity and self doubt was staring to show on his next one, a third of this is toast but suddenly it’s staring to look a bit organised and Ben’s 4th fryup had great eggs. He still got hammered on the page. Some people would give up at this point but some people aren’t Ben Hesketh.
Encore un fois.
Undeterred, Ben stubbornly ploughed on and suddenly produced this little beauty with two types of bacon (a feature of all of his later fryups) great eggs and proud beans. This was Ben’s epiphany, people started to take notice and make begrudgingly positive comments. It was a paradigm shift in his approach to fryups, Ben was on a roll.
And then disaster.
An offhand comment broke a strict community rule and he was cast out into the wilderness and had to rely on the good nature and forgiveness of the senior FUP management for reinstatement. For his crimes a public apology was called for.
Dr Fry feels for you Ben, he has been there. But Ben being the good sport he is took the comedy selfie pic (a standard condition of reinstatement in this group), posted it up and weathered the necessary abuse and ritual humiliation on the chin (from what we can see of it).
A tidy comeback ensued, the crowd didn’t like his eggs but Ben was on a mission of self improvement fuelled by the hate and anger of some of the harshest critics in the Fyosphere.
(Someone actually described this as having been made “with about as much care and compassion as a death row prisoner’s last f****ng meal).
His next one was a beauty. Black pudding, potato-cake. Ben had been to Waitrose, he had plundered his mother in-law’s henhouse, he applied some Fibonacci Spiral thinking to the layout and banged out this very, very good fryup on New year’s day.
This is where Ben took his biggest gamble yet. On the third of January another lovely Hesketh fryup appeared…. it looked familiar….
(Dr Fry has developed a photographic memory for fryups and this one rang a bell. A huge loud clangy one).
Risking everything in this manner is like wrapping your bollocks in bacon and confidently popping them into a ravenous a lion’s mouth as far as blatantly re-posting the same fryup on the Fry Up Police’s manor goes.
Unbelievably almost absolutely nobody noticed this cheeky act of dissent and the slightly better picture quality from a slightly different angle drew plenty of plaudits.
Before the final picture may I suggest that you have this inspirational melody playing in the background to enhance your online experience…
Today Ben banged out a very strong, beautiful fryup, the antithesis of the choppy up sausage disgrace of barely a few months ago. Chapeau Ben. Your journey is complete.
Still tomato-shy but to be fair he doesn’t like them, haggis, beautiful eggs, plated up nicely and cooked perfectly, a mini-masterpiece.
Ben Hesketh’s fryography ladies and gentlemen, a fryup hero.
Edit – Since this article was written Ben has been entered into the Fry Up Police Hall of Fame with this stunning fry!